


I'm a walking travesty

by justlarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Eating Disorders, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Institutions, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-01
Updated: 2013-09-01
Packaged: 2017-12-25 07:18:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/950255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justlarry/pseuds/justlarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis just wants to get out of this place, but when he's assigned a room-mate, maybe he could stick around a little longer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm a walking travesty

**Author's Note:**

> This has a major trigger warning, there are flashbacks of self harm and depression.

"I'm Louis and I'm fat."  
"Louis," Jack said sternly. "Everyone, this is Louis and he's anorexic," Jack said. "Tell us about yourself Louis."  
"I'm twenty one, from Doncaster and have my own room here." All eyes were on Jack accusingly. Louis was the only one who wasn't sharing.  
"Louis has been labelled as too destructive to be roomed with someone."  
"That's because I have ADHD, that's not my fault." Louis was fiddling with his sleeves.  
"Have you also got scars?"  
"I'd prefer not to tell my life story to a bunch of strangers if you don't mind."  
"There's no point in being difficult, it'll just prolong your time here."  
"Fine. I'm a freak. I self-harm, I have ADHD and I'm grossly obese. Good enough for you?"  
"It's a step in the right direction at least. Let's go round the circle."  
"I'm Niall, I'm twenty and I am bipolar."  
"I'm Zayn, I'm twenty and I attempted suicide."  
"I'm Liam, I'm twenty and I have depression."  
"That's good enough for today." Louis stood up. "Louis, wait a second." The three other boys filed out. "How are you doing?"  
"Apart from feeling sick to my stomach, and extremely claustrophobic, I'd say I'm doing okay."  
"There's a timetable on your door, so I'll give you until three to get yourself acquainted before your private therapy."  
"Whatever." Louis walked to his room. It was pristine white, just like the rest of this building. He hated it. He wanted colour, bold and standing out. Not plain. He hated plain. There were two beds on either side of the room with, guess what, white sheets. Wardrobes were at the end of each bed and Louis unpacked his clothes. They had gone through all he owned to make sure there was nothing provoking and confiscated his razor. Louis sat on his bed and couldn't help but think.

~~~

"Louis you alright"  
"I'm fine," he lied. His head was spinning and he was about to collapse. His mum caught him before he did, and lay him down on the sofa, feeding him. "M' not hungry."  
"You're never hungry anymore, come on, just eat it." Louis tried to swallow as much as he could, but after a few mouthfuls he refused.  
"I need the loo."  
"Go on then." Louis stood up slowly and held onto the wall as he walked to the bathroom. He locked the door and sank down behind it, clutching his razor rightly. He snapped out the blades and fiddled with the metal for a moment, before pressing it deep into his wrist. Then came the numbness; the inability to feel anything. The control. He must have been in there a while because his mum started banging on the door. "Louis, what are you doing?"  
"A shit, now leave me alone." His mum said nothing, but he heard no footsteps going away. "I said go away!"  
"I'm not going anywhere Louis until you come out here." Louis pulled his jumper over his wrist again, wincing as the cotton caught in the fresh cuts. He opened the door and stepped into the hall.  
"I'm out, happy now?"  
"What were you doing?"  
"None of your business."  
"Louis."  
"Just leave me alone, okay? I'm fine."  
"No, you're not. I need you to pack your things."  
"Where am I going?"  
"Wilts."  
"No."  
"It's what's best."  
"I'm not going to some fucking mental institute. I'm not crazy."  
"It's a three month course, and if you're better, they'll let you come straight home again." Louis broke down.  
"I promise, I'll be better. I'll eat."  
"I can't help you as much they can Lou. It's only three months honey, then you'll be better."  
"Okay."  
"I'll take you there tomorrow."  
"Okay."

~~~

Louis had been in the institute for just over a month, and had got used to things. He still hated it just as much as before, but he had made friends with Liam, Zayn and Niall and they were all cool.   
"Louis, eat something." Louis stared down at his plate, pushing it around with his fork.  
"I don't want to."  
"They'll keep you here longer if they find out you're not eating."  
"They'll keep me here longer for a lot of reasons."  
"Come on, just a few mouthfuls."  
"It's fucking disgusting."  
"It's not that bad."  
"Why don't you have mine then?"  
"Louis, just eat it." Louis had tested the other three's patience a lot for the past month. Liam mainly, especially when it came to food. Louis shovelled a mouthful in, not bothering to chew before swallowing, and pulled a face.   
"Disgusting, I told you."  
"Get over it." Louis put his plate on the side in the kitchen and walked to where he was given his Ritalin.   
"Louis Tomlinson." The nurse handed him a little cup and some water.   
"Open your mouth." Louis opened his mouth and the nurse nodded and let him go. He hurried back to his room and spat it out into the loo. He hadn't had any since he got here, and he was a lot more restless. There was a knock at his door.  
"Hey Louis."  
"Jack."  
"I've got some news."  
"Good news or bad news?"  
"Probably bad."  
"Go on."  
"You're getting a room-mate."  
"What? You said I was too destructive."  
"There's nowhere else for him to go."  
"So it's not my responsibility if I kill him?"  
"Louis, don't push my limits."  
"I need to go outside."  
"You've already had your slot."  
"Would you prefer I punched the wall?"  
"Louis, have you had your Ritalin?"  
"Yes."  
"Then you should be fine."  
"Evidently, I'm not," Louis said pointing to his shaking leg. Jack sighed.  
"You've got ten minutes supervised." Louis said nothing and just ran outside. The grounds were big, Louis could probably run around the entire place in about that time. And he did. Zayn was having his time outside as well and went round with him in comfortable silence.  
"You didn't take your Ritalin did you?" he smiled when Louis stopped.  
"Maybe not, but that's not your problem."  
"When did you last have any?"  
"Day before I came here."  
"I'm surprised you haven't killed anyone yet."  
"I'm getting a room-mate."  
"When?"  
"Tomorrow." Zayn just laughed. "S'not funny."  
"Maybe he'll be hot. You never know."  
"Doubtful."  
"Louis! Inside!"  
"Ugh, see you later." Louis ran in through the back door.  
"Feeling better?"  
"I guess."  
"Good. Therapy time." Louis walked to the therapy room, only to be met with a mess of curls and green eyes.   
"Who the fuck are you?"  
"Louis, this is Harry. Your new room-mate."  
"Hi Louis."  
"How old are you?"  
"Nineteen."  
"You're bloody tall."  
"Louis, stop swearing, and get to know him."  
"Why are you here then?"  
"I'm not happy."  
"No shit Sherlock. No-one here is happy."  
"I guess. I tried to cheat fate."  
"Oh you're like Zayn."  
"Zayn?"  
"Another guy here."  
"Oh."  
"So Harry, how long have you got here?"  
"Four months."  
"I'm out in a month and a half."  
"Alright, you two go back to your room. Niall needs time now."  
"What did he break?"  
"The wall again."  
"Niall's bipolar," Louis explained to Harry as they walked back to the room.  
"Oh."  
"You don't talk a lot do you."  
"Not really."  
"That's cool, I talk a lot. ADHD has that effect sometimes."  
"Why are you here?"  
"I'm fat, ADHD and depressed."  
"Fat?"  
"Read between the lines little boy."  
"Oh."  
"What have you got in ten minutes?"  
"Rec room."  
"Me too." Harry didn't reply. Louis sat down on his bed tapping his foot. He liked this boy. He liked this boy a lot.

~~~

"Louis!"  
"Yeah."  
"Stop running."  
"If I could, I would."  
"Take your Ritalin."  
"Shut up."  
"When did you last take any?" Jack shouted. Louis was silent. "Louis?"  
"It doesn't matter."  
"Have you had any these past two months?"  
"No."  
"Fucking hell Louis. We're trying to help you."  
"I don't want any."  
"Why?"  
"It makes my head go cloudy. I can't think."  
"Louis, come here." Jack dragged him down to the nurse's station and gave him another paper cup. "You're not going anywhere until you swallow it all."  
"Fine." Louis held the two pills in his hand and threw them to the back of his throat, letting them go down without swallowing.  
"Was that so hard?"  
"Shut up."  
"Alright."  
"Can I go to the music room?"  
"Music room?"  
"Yeah."  
"I guess, I'll get someone to watch you."  
"Can I go alone?"  
"Louis-"  
"Please I promise I won't do anything."  
"One chance." Louis smiled and nodded and made his way down to the room. The piano was old and out of tune, but it was better than nothing. He held his fingers over the notes before playing the melody from memory. He hadn't even realised time had passed until he looked up at the clock. It was nearly seven. Louis didn't want dinner, so stayed in the room, playing the soft melody to The Fray's How To Save A Life continuously. He started singing, quietly at first, then grew in volume. He looped the song over and over again for almost three times when he heard a voice and stopped.  
"You're good." He turned to see Harry leaning against the door frame.  
"How long have you been there?"  
"Long enough."  
"Why are you here?"  
"Jack told me to get you for dinner."  
"Don't tell anyone about it."  
"Your singing?"  
"No-one."  
"Why not?"  
"I don't like people watching me."  
"Alright, I guess."  
"Good." Louis walked past him and into the food hall. All eyes were on him as he entered.  
"Where have you been?" Niall asked.  
"None of your business."  
"Jack said something about the music room."  
"Jack was wrong."  
"Alright."  
Louis was walking back to his room Harry caught up with him.  
"I meant what I said. You are really good."  
"Well, thanks. But I'd prefer it if you didn't talk about it."  
"Alright."

~~~

Louis held the Ritalin in his mouth as he ran back to his room. He ran to the bathroom and spat it out into the loo again. He stepped back out into the room, sighing.  
"You really shouldn't do that."  
"Shit. I didn't know you were there."  
"You shouldn't."  
"Who are you to tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing?"  
"If they find out, they'll just keep you here."  
"That's my problem, not yours."  
"I know, I just get the feeling you don't want to stay here any longer than you have to."  
"Maybe I don't; but I also don't want to take my fucking Ritalin."  
"Why?"  
"Because I hate it. It makes me feel slow and cloudy."  
"My mum used to put me on Ritalin."  
"You're the calmest guy I know."  
"Now. Back when I was a kid, I could never sleep. So she used it as sleeping medicine."  
"It's fucking horrible."  
"It's what's best for you though."  
"I don't care. I just want to go home."  
"It won't get you home any quicker."  
"Since when are you so philosophical?"  
"Shut up. I'm just trying to help."  
"Everyone's 'just trying to help'. I don't need your fucking help. I can deal with it myself."  
"Can I hear you sing?"  
"What?"  
"Can I hear you sing?"  
"No, I said I didn't like doing it in front of people."  
"I've heard you in the shower."  
"Well, that's all you're getting."  
"One song."  
"Fine." Louis broke into the first verse of Look After You, but never made eye contact with Harry.   
"I told you were good, but I don't think that cuts it. You're fucking amazing."  
"I've never heard you swear before."  
"You're so good Lou."  
"Thanks." Harry stood up so his face was now inches from Louis'. Harry's eyes bore into Louis' for a moment before he pressed his lips onto him.  
"You're cute as well," Harry breathed.  
"Right back at you."

~~~

Ever since their kiss, Louis hadn't been able to keep his eyes of Harry. Every movement he made. Louis didn't want to admit it, but he was falling uncontrollably for this boy.   
"Louis? Louis!" Louis tore his eyes away from Harry to be met with Niall's  
"What?"  
"There's a show on Thursday."  
"A show?"  
"Like talent or something I don't know. Everyone has to enter something."  
"You have to be kidding me."  
"Something about showing more of yourself."  
"Do we get time to practice?"  
"I guess. What are you gonna do?"  
"You'll find out."

~~~

Louis spent the next few days in the music room for most of the day, trying to perfect his song. Harry always listened in from the hallway without Louis knowing. Thursday came up quickly and the entire institute was gathered in the big hall. There were people than Louis thought, and he was kinda nervous.  
"You'll be amazing, don't worry."  
"Thanks." Most of the acts weren't great. Then came Harry's.  
"Um hi."  
"What are you doing today?"  
"Singing a song I wrote a while back."  
"Alright." Louis didn't expect Harry's voice to be so good. The song itself was written amazingly as well.  
"Why didn't you tell me you could sing?" Louis asked when he came back to his seat.  
"Same reason as you."  
"You're really good."   
"Thanks."  
"Louis?"  
"Yeah."  
"What are you doing?"  
"Piano and singing."  
"Alright." Louis took in Niall, Liam and Zayn's reactions when he said this. They were all the same look of confusion. He rested his fingers for a moment before breaking into the melody. He finished and looked straight to Harry. There was a huge smile on his face and he stood up to congratulate him. The other three ran over to him.  
"Why didn't you tell us how good you were?"  
"I didn't want everyone to ask me to sing."  
"You're so good Louis."  
"Thanks."

~~~

"Ready to go?"  
"Yeah. No matter how much I hated this place, I'm gonna miss it."  
"We'll miss you too."  
"Three months went by pretty quickly."  
"Yeah."  
"Harry? Before I go, can I give you my number, just so when you come out of this hellhole, we can meet up?"  
"I was hoping you would."

~~~

Louis had been out of the institute nearly a month and a half now. Harry still hadn't called him or texted him or anything. He was walking down the high street on the way to work when he bumped into someone.  
"Shit sorry mate, didn't see you there."  
"It's fine, don't worry." Louis looked up into the boy's eyes.  
"Harry."  
"Louis."

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it. Thanks for reading. Kudos and comments are appreciated.


End file.
